Recommendations
Dr. Kent McClain’s Final Thoughts
In
respect to the observations I have made in this evaluation, I would not on the
whole recommend Growing Kids God’s Way as a Christian parenting program. I
think specific parts of the program could be useful, if parents had a good grasp
of the Scripture and a sufficient knowledge of child development.
In
addition to my own analysis, other church organizations and parenting programs
have influenced me to lean away from the Ezzo parenting program. As an example
the statement (October, 1997) declared by the board of elders at Grace Community
Church (John MaArthur’s church) effected my decision not to recommend the
program. It was in Macarthur’s church that Growing Kids God’s Way was
birthed. Therefore a lot of credibility had to be given to their final opinion
of Ezzo’s parenting program.
Grace Community Church (MacArthur’s Church) Evaluation
The
following is a direct quote from Grace Community Church
regarding Ezzo’s parenting program.
“We have received a flood of inquiries about our stance with regard to Gary
Mezzo and Growing Families International (GFI). What follows is a brief summary
of why Grace Community Church is no longer affiliated in any way with that
ministry. We as elders cannot endorse GFI until these matters are resolved, and
we wish to make our position clear. We have delayed making a public statement
as long as we held out hope that these concerns might be resolved privately.
Unfortunately, that no longer appears possible. We fully realize that many
people worldwide have assumed GFI enjoys our full support. Literally dozens of
people each week ask for clarification of our position relative to GFI.
Therefore we believe this public statement of our concerns is warranted - - and
even somewhat overdue.
It is still our earnest prayer, however, that these things may ultimately be
resolved in a way that honors the Lord and is in harmony with His Word:
At an elders’ meeting in the spring of 1993, the elders of Grace Church asked
Gary Mezzo to be more accountable to them—particularly with regard to the
content of his teaching and the amount of time he was spending in GFI ministries
beyond the purview of his responsibilities as a pastor.
Soon afterward, in June 1993, Gary announced he was resigning from the pastoral
staff but planned to continue serving as a lay elder, keeping Grace Community
Church as the base of GFI ministries. The reason he gave for resigning from the
church staff was that GFI now demanded his full-time involvement.
The elders nonetheless urged Gary to follow through with his commitment to be
more accountable, especially with regard to the content of his teaching. Gary
promised to do so.
The pastoral staff began a review of Gary’s published and taped material, and
met as a group with Gary in mid-1995 to outline several concerns about the
doctrinal and biblical content of GFI materials. (Some of those same concerns
are given below.) Gary seemed to receive the criticism well and in a good
spirit. He explained and clarified several points, and promised to make changes
in his material to alleviate everyone’s concerns.
However, in the weeks immediately following the meeting, Gary wrote letters to
some of the pastors who had raised criticisms. He characterized their concerns
as petty and personal, and indicated he believed the staff’s criticism was
driven by one or two people's personal agendas. He repeated those allegations
in private conversations with church members.
The changes discussed in that meeting were never submitted to the pastoral
staff. Instead, Gary resigned as an elder and withdrew from Grace Community
completely. Ultimately several of his closest followers left the church as
well.
Here is an outline summary of some of the more serious concerns Grace Church’s
pastors and elders have raised about GFI and its teachings:
1. Confusion between biblical standards and matters of personal preference.
The best-known example of this is the GFI emphasis on infant feeding
schedules, combined with Gift’s zealous opposition to demand feeding by nursing
mothers. Portraying scheduled feeding as the true biblical practice, GFI
strongly implies that demand feeding should be regarded as an unbiblical,
humanistic—even sinful—approach to caring for infants. As elders, we see no
biblical basis whatsoever for Gift’s dogmatism on this issue. While not
opposing scheduled feeding, we would caution young mothers not to adopt any
system of parenting that is so rigid that it requires them to quell the
God-given maternal impulse. (cf. Isa. 66:10-13)
Other examples where matters of personal preference are presented as if they had
biblical authority: GFI parents are taught that sling-type baby carriers are too
child-centered and therefore incompatible with biblical parenting. GFI
curriculum also teaches that mothers should not rock their babies to sleep; that
they should not comfort or feed crying infants in the parents’ bed—and
especially that moms should never sleep next to their babies. Portions of the
material seem to place an undue stress on stifling the mother’s desire to
comfort her children. For example, Matthew 27:46 is used to justify the
teaching that mothers should refuse to attend to crying infants who have already
been fed, changed, and had their basic needs met. Gary Mezzo writes, “Praise
God that the Father did not intervene when His son cried out on the cross”
(Preparation for Parenting, p.122).
We find throughout the GFI material a blurring of the line between that which is
truly biblical, and simple matters of preference.
2. A lack of clarity on certain fundamental doctrinal issues. In
particular, GFI materials tend to be unclear on the issues of original sin and
human depravity. For example, in tape 12 of the “Growing Kids God’s Way” tape
series, Gary Mezzo says: “It is not the will of the child that is corrupt
but the nature that drives the will. It is the flesh that is
corrupt.” “The will itself is morally neutral.” “The will itself is not
corrupt, the flesh is corrupt. The will is morally neutral.”
However, Scripture clearly portrays our sinful nature as something that holds
the unregenerate will in utter bondage (John 8:34, 44; Rom. 6:20). Nothing in
Scripture suggests that the human will is morally neutral; rather Scripture
teaches that the will of the sinner is bent inexorably toward sin, enslaved to
various lusts (Rom. 8:7-8; Titus 3:3). Every faculty of the sinner’s heart is
corrupted by sin (cf. Gen. 6:5)—and particularly the will. That is the
whole point of the doctrine often labeled “total depravity,” which we affirm.
The notion that the human will is neutral is the very foundation of Pelagianism,
a heresy that dates back to the Fifth Century. We do not believe Gary intends
to teach Pelagianism. He has expressly stated his believe that children are
born with a sin nature. (Even the statement above seems to hinge on Gary’s
assertion the “the nature . . . drives the will”—i.e., if the nature is corrupt,
the will tends to make sinful choices. But this still stops short of affirming
what Scripture does: that the sinner’s will is in absolute bondage to sin.)
Again, we do not suggest the Gary means to deny the utter depravity of
the sinner. But by over-classifying human faculties and declaring the will
“morally neutral,” he has left room for serious misunderstanding on the issue.
A similar example is found in the GFI book Preparation for Parenting, where
parents are told that the child’s conscience at birth is a “clean slate”; and
then a footnote differentiates between the “higher” and “lower” conscience. All
of this seems needlessly to confuse the biblical stress on the utter
corruption of the human heart and all its faculties (Jer. 17:9)—even from
infancy: “The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they
be born, speaking lies.” (Ps. 58:3)
3. Insufficient attention to the child’s need for regeneration.
Potential confusion on the human-depravity issue is compounded by the weight of
emphasis given to moral indoctrination, compared to the relatively meager stress
on the child’s need for a divinely renewed heart. Parents are repeatedly told
that the goal of parenting is to raise a “morally responsible child”; and that
they can “restrain the natural corruption by instilling into the child the
self-disciplines of life” (Preparation for Parenting, p. 22). The impression is
left with many parents that in training a well-mannered and morally innocent
child, they have raised their child “God’s way.”
To be clear, our complaint is not the GFI material denies or omits the doctrine
of regeneration. Statements are scattered throughout various GFI publications
that do mention the child’s need of conversion. But the truths of the
gospel and the necessity of divine grace are by no means the essential heart of
Gift’s instruction to parents. Gary himself once reported in an elders’ meeting
the GFI material has found a warm reception among Mormons and other
non-evangelicals. This would hardly be possible if the truths of the gospel
received sufficient emphasis in the curriculum.
4. A tendency to isolationism. GFI parents tend to isolate their
children from other children—including Christian children—who are not part of
the GFI “community” (i.e., those not indoctrinated in GFI principles). GFI
parents have been known to sever all relationships with non-GFI families. To
some degree, GFI teaching is directly responsible for encouraging this attitude
While still a pastor at Grace Church, Gary Mezzo helped found a private
“Community School,” where children could be enrolled only by personal
invitation. Of course, only GFI parents were asked to enroll their children.
Some were even encouraged to withdraw their children from Grace Church’s own
Christian School, and move them instead to the “Community School.”
Several GFI-trained parents have kept their children from participating in
organized church youth activities in order to avoid exposing their children to
others not “in the community.” Some GFI parents have objected because
non-Christian young people are welcome to attend youth-group activities, and
because Christian young people in the youth group have been encouraged to
befriend and evangelize non-Christians in their schools and neighborhoods
GFI material does not caution against, but rather defends, that type of
isolationism. In fact, Gary Mezzo teaches that to do otherwise could
irreparably damage the “moral innocence” of children.
All of those are reasons why GFI materials are no longer available from Grace
Community Church. One additional concern has to do with how Gary Mezzo has
responded to criticism.
In several instances, Gary Mezzo has declined to listen to concerns from
essentially friendly critics—including fellow elders, pastors, and even
co-workers in the GFI ministries. His responses to the elders of Grace Church
have reflected a repeated tendency to avoid accountability. For example, when
the “Community School” was started, elders from Grace Church’s School Council
asked for a meeting with Gary to share some concerns about his involvement with
the “Community School.” Gary refused to meet with them. Later, when asked
about the “Community School” in a full elders’ meeting, Gary told the elders he
had no direct involvement with the “Community School.” But in fact, he was
serving on the School’s board of directors. In at least one case he assured a
group of concerned elders that he would seek resolution of a long-standing
conflict—then later refused to do so. His departure from Grace Church left a
disturbing number of conflicts unresolved and concerns un-addressed.
At the same time, Gary has been known to respond with exaggerated and even false
accusations against his critics. For example, just before he withdrew
permanently from Grace Church, Gary sent and e-mail message to a “Grace to You”
donor in the Midwest. In the message, Gary claimed that several staff members
of the church had “gone amillennial in their eschatology”; that attendance at
the church had dwindled so that church services were largely empty; and that
Lance Quinn (Senior Associate Pastor) had “walked out” on John MacArthur—implying
that Lance had left the church staff under less than positive circumstances.
(Of course, not one of those accusations is remotely true.) Gary asked the
donor to pray that the church would “close out its remaining years with
dignity.”
Our choice would have been to deal with all these things privately, and that has
been the reason for our long silence until now. We consider it profoundly
unfortunate that we must issue a public statement such as this. But our efforts
to address these concerns privately have been rebuffed or disregarded. Sadly,
that has made this formal statement necessary.
Again, our prayer is that all these matters will be resolved to the glory of
Christ.”
The Elders of Grace Community Church
Sun Valley, California
Focus on the Family Evaluation (Dr. James Dobson)
Another statement that effected my opinion regarding Ezzo’s
Growing Kids God’s Way parenting program came from a statement made by Focus on
the Families (James Dobson) parenting ministry. This was in response to a
letter I sent in October of 1997.
The following is quoted from the letter Focus on the Family
statement issued to me personally on November 14, 1997.
“ We regard your request for our input as a genuine
compliment, in response to your inquiry and others like it our staff has
conducted an extensive evaluation of Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo’s materials on
parenting, including the books-Preparation For Parenting and growing Kids God’s
Way. Allow me to summarize their findings and recommendations as succinctly as
possible.
We do have concerns and reservations about the Ezzos’
work, including the updated edition of Preparation For Parenting. In the first
place, it seems to us that their philosophy of childrearing is far too rigid.
The very title of their program, Growing Kids God’s Way, has an unnecessarily
exclusivity sound about it, as if there were only one “correct” and godly way to
raise children and all other methods were “unbiblical.” In contrast to this,
Dr. Dobson believes that there are many different approaches to raising children
which are both healthy and consistent with the teaching of Scripture.
Speaking of Scripture, the Ezzos’ misuse of biblical
texts is, in our view, a second cause for serious concern. They have, for
example, repeatedly cited Matthew 27:46 –“…My God, my God, why have your
forsaken me?”—in support of their teaching that mothers should refuse to attend
crying infants who have already been fed, changed, and had their basic needs
met. “Praise God,” writes Gary Ezzo on page 122 of Preparation for Parenting,
“that the Father did not intervene when His son cried out on the cross.” We
see no way to make such an application of this verse without completely
disregarding its original context and purpose.
Third, we are aware that the author’s proposals
regarding controlled feeding schedules for infants are highly controversial.
Some critics have suggested that they might possibly result in child abuse if
applied legalistically, inflexibly, and without regard for circumstance and the
special needs of individual children; and, in fact, our ministry has received
numerous letters from parents, pastors, midwives, physicians, and lactation
professionals regarding cases of failure-to-thrive in infants subjected to the
Ezzos’ program. We don’t believe this information should be ignored.
Finally, it needs to be said that the leadership of the
Ezzo’s own church—the place where they initially developed and promoted their
curriculum—has now issued a public statement disavowing any affiliation with the
ministry of Growing Families International. The issues pinpointed in that
statement parallel Focus on the Family’s concerns as outlined above. For
further information, we suggest you contact Grace Community Church in Panorama
City, California either via e-mail (letters@gty.org)
or by telephone (818/782-5920).
For these reasons we do not recommend the Ezzo's
material to Focus on the Family constituents. Further, we would suggest that,
if and when it is used, its principles be implemented only in conjunction with
generous measures of common sense, intuition, and natural parental affection.
We hope these thoughts (letter written to Dr.
Kent McClain) prove helpful. Thanks again for sending a e-mail to us.
May God’s grace, peace, wisdom, and blessing be yours in the days ahead
I hope this clears up any confusion anyone may have
about the position Focus takes on GFI’s materials.”
Ezzo’s Key Staff Members Leave Parenting Program
As I stated in the beginning of this evaluation, I
personally watched the entire video (1993) series presented by the Ezzos. In
the flow of the presentation , there was another teaching couple (Eric and Julie
Abel) who assisted and supported the Ezzo teachings in each video session. In
my frequent talks with Grace Community Church (John MacArthur’s church) during
1997, I learned that the Abel’s had left the Ezzo parenting ministry over some
significant problems they held with the Ezzos over the integrity, direction, and
curriculum of the program. They later in 1998, explained these problems in
the following e-mail.
The E-mail (2-25-98; 2 A.M.) reads as follow:
“It seems like everywhere we go, we speak with people
who acknowledge our involvement with Growing Families International, and
organization in which we served for over 10 years. Most people recognize us
from the many video and audio programs we participated in while representing the
company.
Even though we appreciate people’s kind remarks, we
never desired to be involved in such a visible capacity with this
organization. Through the providence of God, we were chosen for this task and
gladly accepted what God had in store for our personal ministry to young
families.
As God would further have it, we parted company with
this organization in 1994. At that time, we were mainly concerned about the
integrity & direction of the company. Since then, we have been exposed to the
additional concerns regarding the curriculum which we can no longer support.
That is why we requested to be removed from the GFI materials, last year.
Other than that request, we have virtually no contact with anyone from this
company for several years. We apologize for any role that we have played in
contributing to the delusion that we are still involved with GFI.
We encourage Church Leaders to prayerfully consider the
pattern of controversy surrounding this organization. We hope that Pastors
will get back to the Bible for parenting instruction.
Eric and Julie Abel
erricabel@aol.com
Although there have be scores of cautioning articles
written about the Ezzo parenting program, one of the better summaries comes from
Christianity today, a Christian magazine I highly regard. I quote the
article’s author, Randy Frame in the February 9th 1998 edition:
“The Chatsworth,
California-based organization Growing Families International (GFI) clams that
more than 3,500 churches worldwide use GFI-published resources for guidance on
child rearing. But despite such apparent popularity, the list of critics of
GFI-and of its executive director, Gary Ezzo-continues to expand.
More than four years ago,
CHRISTIANITY TODAY reported on questions being raised about the parenting advice
offered in Preparation for Parenting, co-authored by Ezzo and his wife, Anne
Marie, and On Becoming BABYWISE, a secularized version containing the same
concepts but without religious references (CT, August 16,1993.page 34).
At that time, Ezzo served on
the staff at Grace Community Church (John MacArthur’s church) in Sun Valley,
California. Recently, however, the church’s board of elders issued a public
statement disavowing any affiliation with GFI and outlining “serious concerns”
about the organization and its teachings, as well as concerns about
accountability.
UNCONVENTIONAL MEDICAL
WISDOM: Critics maintain generally that the Ezzos advocate a style of
parenting that over emphasizes control and discipline at the expense of parental
intuition and compassion. They say the medical advice offered or implied by
GFI materials runs counter to current medical wisdom.
In a Web site, the Ezzos have
claimed GFI is supported by a network of health care professionals” that
includes “hundreds of pediatricians.” GFI has not documented this claim. Says
Kathy Nesper, president of Artesia, California-based Apple Tree Family
Ministries, Ï don’t know who their doctors are, but I’m not ware of a single
International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) who has publicly
supported their program.
Calls from pediatricians and
emergency-room physicians prompted the Child Abuse Prevention Council of Orange
County to conduct an extensive study of GFI materials. Physicians had been
reporting a high incidence of dehydrated and failure-to-thrive children whose
parents were adhering strictly to the Ezzo program. Collen Weeks co-chaired
the committee, which conducted a detailed investigation of GFI materials
spanning a year and a half before releasing results in 1996. Weeks says, “We
established six criteria for healthy parenting education, and our committee
concluded the GFI materials met none of those standards.
GOD’S ONLY PARENTING PLAN?
What complicates matters, according to critics, is that GFI represents its
principles as being the only biblical prescribed approach to parenting. GFI
materials acknowledge that the Bible is silent on such issues as infant
feeding. But Nesper, whose ministry specializes in childbirth education and
family life education for young Christian couples, says, “The underlying message
is that their way is God’s way.
The Grace Community Church
(John MacArthur’s church) statement supports Nesper’s assessment. “Portraying
scheduled feeding as the true biblical practice, GFI strongly implies that
demand feeding should be regarded as an unbiblical, humanistic-even
sinful-approach to caring for infants. As elders, we see no biblical basis for
such dogmatism on this issue. Phil R. Johnson, an elder at Grace Community
Church” and the statement’s main author, says the Ezzos “built their program on
credibility they borrowed from Grace Community Church.” Johns says that “the
case could also be made to suggest that those of us with serious concerns about
Gary’s character should have pursued the discipline process more aggressively.”
A CHORUS OF CRITICS: Focus on the Family cites
the Ezzos’”misuse of biblical texts” as a “cause for serious concern.” Focus
points that the Ezzos repeatedly cite Matthew 27:46 (where Jesus cries out from
the cross “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”) in support of their
teaching that mothers should refuse to attend to crying infants who have already
been fed, changed, and had their basic needs met. Focus says, “We see no way
to make such an application of this verse without completely disregarding its
original context and purpose.
ÏNHIBITING EMOTIONAL
DEVELOPMENT? While many have focused their critique of GFI on the potential
health dangers to infants, others have raised concerns about possible negative
psychological and spiritual effect on children’s development. In November,
marriage and family counselor Barbara Francis focused on the GFI parenting
program in a seminar at the annual meeting of the American Association of
Christian Counselors. “The GFI model does not acknowledge God-designed levels
of human development,” says Francis, adding that she is uncomfortable with the
Ezzo’s advice to allow a baby to cry unattended. Francis stressed the
importance of two-and three-year-old children being given the space to develop a
“sense of self.” Noting that, according to the Ezzos, “ ‘no’ (a child’s
response) is not permitted” Francis says, “If a child can never say ‘no,’
that child will not develop a sense of autonomy.” While “Ezzo children” may be
more obedient, Francis says that obedience will likely be rooted in fear of
abandonment or punishment rather than love.”
DEFENDING THE PROGRAM: Those
in a position to receive inquiries about GFI agree that its materials are
extremely popular and that its parenting philosophy has developed a following
that reaches far beyond the influence of Grace Community Church. Critics
acknowledge that amid the ideas they consider misleading or dangerous can be
found much sound advice and many helpful ideas.
GFI’s Web site includes
testimonies and newspaper articles featuring people whose family lives have
improved as a result of GFI’s parenting curriculum Growing Kids God’s Way.
Articles point out that the curriculum provides practical advice to help
children learn to respect their parents and to put other’s needs before their
own. For example, it suggests that children not be allowed to begin eating
dinner until whoever prepared it sits down.
GFI’s lengthy response to the
Grace Community Church statement can also be found at its Web site (www.gif.org).
According to that response, the Ezzos are “deeply disappointed” by Grace’s
decision to issue the statement. Among other things, GFI claims that for 30
months previous to the statement, no member of Grace Church “pursued the Ezzos
on any church-related issue.” Johnson refutes this claim and several others
made by GFI. Beyond referring to its Web site, GFI declined to respond to
written questions.
Christianity Today
Other Articles Worth Consideration
( I have these articles if you want me to send copies to
you)
1. “The Ezzo Method,” Wall Street Journal,
February 17th, 1998, by Barbara Carton.
2. “Babies in Danger,” Ladies Home Journal,
April , 1999, by Jenny Deam.
3. “More than a Parenting Ministry: The Cultic
Characteristics of Growing Families, International”,” Christian Research
Journal, April, 1998, by Kathleen Terner and Elliot Miller.
(John MacArthur’s Church)
(Chuck Smith’s Church)
3800 S. Fairview Rd. Santa Ana, CA 92704
(Chuck Swindoll’s
previous church)
Pastor Doug Haag: Associate Pastor of Family Ministries
Fullerton
Evangelical Free Church in California
2801 N. Brea
Blvd. Fullerton, CA 92835-2799
E-Mail doug@fefcful.org
6. Web sites
·
RedRhino.mas.vcu.edu
·
http://www.bhip.com/features/ezzo.htm
·
http://www.fix.net/-rprewett/grace-ezzo.html
